Well... we knew it was going to happen eventually. I got turned away from chemo yesterday due to low white blood cells. I don't really have a whole lot to say about it, other than it's disappointing. It was also a reminder to quit looking at dates as an end to this ordeal, and start thinking in terms of treatments to go. (Still 10). They have prescribed a shot called Neupogen that we will do at home the Wednesday before chemo to help keep the white blood cells in abundant supply. The goal is no more delayed chemo!
Thinking about getting into yoga or something similar to help ease my mind because I am not good at functioning when I don't have access to all the information. When I ask Dr. O questions about prognosis (questions that I have been scared up to this point to ask) all she can tell me is that we will have to wait and see what we learn from the tissue that is removed in the mastectomy. Did I mention I'm getting new boobs? Well I am. Hopefully the new ones won't try to kill me. Also, hopefully they will be fabulous.
I am continually reminded that I have very little control over this disease, and I need to just let the treatments run their course. Healthy diet and exercise can (and will!) help, for sure, but I truly am at the mercy of chemo and my body's response to it. Having no control is hard in most ways, but freeing in others. Trying my best to see that God is the one who has control. He alone knows what the outcome of this will be. Also, the thing about life is, nobody gets out alive. Moral of the story - enjoy the time you've got, and don't waste time and energy on things that don't matter.
Today's prayer request: please pray that the chemo completely works. Pray that when they remove my tissue that there is no evidence of cancer left after chemo. Pray that the affected lymph node is completely clear. I've got a lot of livin' to do.