ain't nothing gonna break my stride, nobody's gonna slow me down, oh no, I got to keep on movin'

Feeling low today, friends. The chemo is starting to catch up to me, again. Ever since my week off when I got turned away, I have been feeling pretty darn good for going through chemo. Just a little tired, but really no major complaints... This past Friday (round 10 of 16 for those of you counting along at home) was a little rougher. All of a sudden I am "chemo tired" again. My white blood cells are doing really well now that I am taking the neupogen shot, but my red blood cells and platelets are starting to suffer. This feels like whack-a-mole... Once I get one thing under control, another thing pops up. Come on blood counts, work with me here! Freda, the nurse practitioner even commented this past week about the dark circles under my eyes. I reminded her that I don't wear makeup on chemo days, so she was getting to see the darkest of the dark circles, but unfortunately it's true. I am tired exhausted.

I'm also experiencing my other favorite chemo side affect. This one I refer to as "fair food syndrome." It feels like I have been eating corn dogs for a week straight, and no amount of vegetables can make it go away. Blech indeed. I am hoping this side effect is my own fault... I have gotten cocky recently and started eating tomatoes again. I can't tell if the gross feeling is from my bad decisions, or if it would be happening anyway. Just to be safe, I am benching myself from tomatoes again for the foreseeable future. Sigh...

My newest hobby is watching my head like a hawk for hair growth. I'm a little obsessive... but I am proud to report I have a tiny smidgen of peach fuzz coming in. It has no color, it's not every follicle yet, and you really can't see it unless the light is shining through the hair... but to me it is substantial. The promise of hair again!

Prayer/good vibe requests for today:

Pray for energy. I. Am. Dragging.
Pray for my platelets and red blood cells. Pray that the counts will be high enough for chemo.

As always - pray for complete healing. Complete pathological response.

Love y'all,
Jess

come rain or come shine

Three years of marriage, today. I truly love you more than I ever knew was possible. The way you have risen to this challenge, stood by my side, and loved me through this is part of what gets me through the hard days. I never thought I would be the first one to go bald in our relationship. I never imagined the first ultrasound image we looked at together would be showing a lump in my breast. I never dreamed how much I would come to rely on you in such a short time.

The song we danced to on our wedding day was "Come Rain or Come Shine" by Ray Charles. We had a hard time picking out a song for the occasion. Nothing really seemed to fit US, until I stumbled across this song. We practiced and practiced for that dance, but it wasn't quite as easy when suddenly we were in the ballroom surrounded by our loved ones, trying to take steps backwards in a dress with a train. It wasn't perfect... but at the same time it was. Unexpected obstacles take us by surprise, but help to shape us and make us into who we are. Thanks for three beautiful years, sweetheart. Here's to many many more anniversaries... come rain or come shine.

Jennifer Yarbro Photography

I'm gonna love you
Like no one's loved you
Come rain or come shine

High as a mountain
Deep as a river
Come rain or come shine

Jennifer Yarbro Photography

I guess when you met me
It was just one of those things
But don't ever bet me
'Cause I'm gonna be true, well, if you let me

Jennifer Yarbro Photography

You're gonna love me

Like no one's loved me
Come rain or come shine

Happy together
Unhappy together
And wouldn't that be fine

Jennifer Yarbro Photography

Days may be cloudy or sunny, yeah
We're in or we're out of the money, yeah
But I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine

Jennifer Yarbro Photography

You're gonna love me

Like nobody's loved me
Come rain or come shine

Happy together
Unhappy together
And wouldn't that be fine

Jennifer Yarbro Photography

Days may be cloudy or sunny, yeah
We're in or we're out of the money, yeah
I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine, yeah

Jennifer Yarbro Photography

summertime and the livin' is easy, fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high...

August has come and gone, and it is now September. Yeehaw! The last weekend of summer was a great one. I got to have my chemo (yay!), I got to snuggle with a dear friend's newborn baby (double yay!), and I got to spend the weekend in Galveston with friends (triple yay!). This is the 3rd or 4th year we have made the trek to the beach house, and I was pretty convinced we wouldn't be able to go this year. It just didn't seem feasible, or even responsible. What if I felt carsick? What if I was nauseous the whole time? What if I got a massive sunburn from the chemo? So many things could go horribly wrong.

Last weekend was rough for me psychologically after having to miss chemo. I was noticeably down, and felt like I was failing at chemo even though there's nothing I can do about white blood cells other than take the neupogen shot I have been prescribed. I decided that come hell or high water, nothing was going to stop me from going on this trip. I needed it. I knew I wouldn't be spending too much time on the beach soaking up the sun, but that wasn't the point. The point was to get out of the house and forget about cancer, and that is exactly what we did. I had the best time with our friends, playing games, talking about life, laughing, and I even snuck in some time on the beach. Don't worry, it was cloudy/rainy and I wore SPF 55. My bald head is still lily white.

So my neutrophil count (this has something to do with white blood cells, but I don't quite understand it...) was back up this week, but not quite as high as Dr. O would like it to be. Apparently you need at least 1,000 to get chemo, and I was at 1,200 (last week it was only 600. Yikes!). On the one hand, I doubled my count in a week. On the other hand, doubling next to nothing still isn't very much. Dr. O has decided that I will do two days worth of at home neupogen shots to try to keep my white blood cells in line. Hopefully this will do the trick!

In other news, today I wore a shirt to work that I apparently haven't worn since BC (before chemo). I found not one, but two long brown hairs clinging to it at various points throughout the day. A rare occurrence, indeed.

get out there and enjoy it!

Love y'all,
Jess