Saturday, August 23, 2014

life's a ball, if only you know it! and it's all just waiting for you! you're alive, so go on and show it! there's such a lot of livin' to do!

Well... we knew it was going to happen eventually. I got turned away from chemo yesterday due to low white blood cells. I don't really have a whole lot to say about it, other than it's disappointing. It was also a reminder to quit looking at dates as an end to this ordeal, and start thinking in terms of treatments to go. (Still 10). They have prescribed a shot called Neupogen that we will do at home the Wednesday before chemo to help keep the white blood cells in abundant supply. The goal is no more delayed chemo!

Thinking about getting into yoga or something similar to help ease my mind because I am not good at functioning when I don't have access to all the information. When I ask Dr. O questions about prognosis (questions that I have been scared up to this point to ask) all she can tell me is that we will have to wait and see what we learn from the tissue that is removed in the mastectomy. Did I mention I'm getting new boobs? Well I am. Hopefully the new ones won't try to kill me. Also, hopefully they will be fabulous.

I am continually reminded that I have very little control over this disease, and I need to just let the treatments run their course. Healthy diet and exercise can (and will!) help, for sure, but I truly am at the mercy of chemo and my body's response to it. Having no control is hard in most ways, but freeing in others. Trying my best to see that God is the one who has control. He alone knows what the outcome of this will be. Also, the thing about life is, nobody gets out alive. Moral of the story - enjoy the time you've got, and don't waste time and energy on things that don't matter.

Today's prayer request: please pray that the chemo completely works. Pray that when they remove my tissue that there is no evidence of cancer left after chemo. Pray that the affected lymph node is completely clear. I've got a lot of livin' to do.

Love y'all,


  1. Many prayers your way regarding chemo treatment, Jessica. I will ask my prayer group to pray harder for you tomorrow. :-) You do have a lot of livin' to do and deserve it with that big heart and soul of yours. You will see this through. I really liked what you said - don't waste your time and energy on things that don't matter. Thank you for all of your positive words - as soothing as they are for you - they are for others. We are all in this world together. You have a gift for seeing the big picture and expressing yourself. Hugs to you from Houston!!!! I miss you! - Lee Alice

  2. Luckily my dad only had to delay one treatment due to low platelets. Praying the same goes for you! :-)

  3. I'm a little late reading this encouragement, but thank you. I totally agree that counting treatments is the way to go. There is a product called Real Build (, that helps to build your blood up and has helped lots of chemo patients. I buy it from my doctor's office in Forth Worth and would be happy to get it for you if you decide you want it. Ask your doctor first, of course.
    Meanwhile, stay on track! Your profession of God's absolute authority in your story is solid. There is no other. And as you said, we are all on our way to heaven, and it's up to God when we get there. Your actions are teach me, and others. 1 John 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. LY, Vivian