what a feeling, being's believing, I can have it all, now I'm dancing for my life... take your passion, and make it happen, pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life...

Tomorrow is my FINAL round of Adriamycin and Cytoxan, and marks the halfway point of chemo. Can you hear the excitement in my voice? Imagine it! For the uninitiated, adriamycin is just about the worst. They call it "the red devil". It's responsible for the hair loss, and a lot of the harder symptoms associated with chemo. The next four rounds after tomorrow will be Taxol, which I am told is much easier to take. Still no walk in the park, and really the symptoms vary from person to person, but I am excited just thinking about the milestone of being halfway! Let's say it again, HALFWAY!

Last time I was equal parts dreading/anticipating chemo, but this time, I am ready! I've been eating spinach like Popeye, and even found a magical chalky liquid that helps with the acid reflux, which really for me, has been the worst thing. Heinous acid reflux.

Ok, it isn't that tasty, but the sweet relief that comes over your throat as it goes down is more than worth the price of admission. I didn't learn about this sorcery until after my "bad" days last time, so it hasn't been war tested yet. I am weirdly excited to see how it goes this time. Bring it on!!! (British fireman, I'm counting on you.)

So, my last post, I was feeling pretty down. I was expecting Friday to be my bounce back day, and when it wasn't I kind of lost it. On Saturday, I was still pretty weak and tired, but I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel again. I never really fully recovered from the fatigue this week, but I am so encouraged by all of you who are standing behind me, praying, and sending positive energy. Y'all really know how to make a girl feel loved. Thank you for carrying me over the hump, and helping me to switch my attitude from pity party to leading the parade. I am channeling Fanny Brice! Nobody is gonna rain on my parade, y'all. The bad days don't seem so bad in retrospect, and I am excited to conquer the next ones with new tools in my arsenal.

In other news, today was my first day venturing to work with the wig on. I have been trying to build up tolerance to wearing it, and truly have been a little nervous about it. I don't want people to think that I think this is real hair... believe me I KNOW! This morning though, I just wasn't feeling any of my scarf options. I took the wig down off of the top shelf in my closet (yes, I am now the proud owner of a Styrofoam head), and pulled it over my head. I have learned it's never a good idea to do this without makeup on. Your hair is perfectly fixed, and your no makeup, chemo fatigued face is just bedraggled. BAD COMBO. I'm not even a "I have to wear makeup to go outside of the house" kinda girl... Something about the perfectly coiffed newscaster hair makes you feel the need for makeup. So anyway, I decided to go for it. I even got a compliment on the elevator on my new haircut from someone who didn't know!

wigging out!

Of course I then, immediately awkwardly ruined it, and told her it was a wig and that I had cancer. :( Why am I so hopelessly awkward? She totally made my day though. I made sure she knew that.

By about lunch time the wig was driving me crazy, but I powered through the afternoon. Once I got out of the parking lot though, all bets were off.

freeeeeeedom!

Alright y'all. LAST ADRIAMYCIN TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!! Get excited! Go gaviscon!

Love y'all,
Jess